Prioritise your wellbeing

Everyone’s state of vulnerability and capacity to handle online gender-based violence are different and there is no one right way to feel. You may feel nothing, scared, angry, distressed, embarrassed or the symptoms can manifest in you physically including racing heart, insomnia, difficulty breathing or nausea. Any emotion is justified. The same personal information can mean different things to different people, depending on your various social identities.

Here we have compiled a list of guides shared by other survivors of online gender-based violence. Each of us has unique needs and experiences. Thus, do not worry that your reactions or responses are different compared to other survivors. We hope that you will find something useful for yourself here to help you through this difficult journey.

It is not your fault

It is very important to remember that it is not your fault. You have every right to exist the way you do or to express yourself freely without being subjected to any form of violence and harassment. It is the aggressors and harassers that are causing you harm, not yourself.

Time off

Please take a break from using your devices or the digital platforms where you have experienced violence. Take some time off from work or your to-do list if you feel it is needed. Or focus on that personal project or cleaning chores if they make you feel better. Do what pleasure your mind and body which can differ according to the interest of different individuals. Listen to your body and do not feel guilty about taking a day or days for yourself.

Talk to someone

If you are up for it, try reaching out to people who care about you and your well-being. Note that sometimes it can be difficult to explain what we are going through in words. After all, online gender-based violence is not widely understood by many and your trauma can still be fresh. Try to think of someone you can trust to create a safe space for you and your difficult emotions and thoughts. Start by sharing what happened, how it made you feel and what you expect from the other person in terms of support. Having someone who supports you and understands what you are going through can lighten the burden you are carrying. Please know that you don’t have to go through this alone. Seeking professional mental health care can also make a big difference, especially if you get to a point where you feel hopeless or paralyzed by fear, talk about your abuse obsessively, struggle to enjoy things, or have difficulty eating or sleeping.

Ask for help

It is okay to feel vulnerable and ask for help from someone you trust. If you are thinking about documenting the violence but the idea of going back to the platforms can be triggering for you, ask for assistance from someone you trust. They can help to screen capture the violence/evidence and to save the relevant links. Make sure the screen captures are inclusive of the dates of the attacks.

Speak up

It is entirely your decision whether you want to engage with the aggressors online. Remember it is not your fault and they should not have harassed and harmed you. This is a decision that you will have to make based on what feels right to you and what will make you feel safe. Remember, you have the right to not respond or engage with the aggressor too. Not engaging with your aggressors does not mean you are giving away your power. It just means you value your mental well-being and have other priorities that you want to focus on.

If you feel strongly about speaking up and sharing the harassment and violence you are facing, it is completely up to you on how and where you want to share your story. We learn from experience that speaking up helps to warn others from becoming victims to the same aggressors, to connect victims who are going through the same trauma, and it helps in regaining agency that was taken away from them. Speaking up publicly, especially on social media, will connect you with others who support you or share similar experiences. We live in a harsh society that normalises gender-based violence and there will be others who will disbelieve your story and may try to insult or ridicule you further by placing the blame on you. Focus on the support and encouraging responses that you get after speaking up rather than the disparaging and harmful comments. Invest your energy in what makes you feel good and less powerless.

If you are thinking of sharing your sexual assault stories, you may find our resources useful: #SupportSurvivors Series Part 2: Naming & Tagging Sexual Assault Perpetrators on Social Media